Not in the literal sense, of course. I’m very much alive. I’m just speaking figuratively.

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to my future and I’m wondering if ‘Ashlee Adams’ is finished. I’m 25 now, and lately the work offers haven’t exactly been knocking my door down. It’s been ages since I’ve had a magazine appearance, in fact, it’s probably been the longest period of time I’ve gone without appearing in a magazine for a few years.

I suppose this is the problem with basing your entire career on one platform, but who was to know MySpace would suffer such a tragic death? Okay so it’s not actually ‘dead’ but it’s dying. I’ve read multiple studies on how the user base is rapidly declining, how the hits to the site have dropped significantly in the past months. A few years ago MySpace was dominating the social networking world and there were few things that gave me more pleasure than logging in to check my comments, but thanks to numerous factors it’s become a site I barely check once every few days because when I do it results in nothing but annoyance and frustration. I logged in earlier today and out of the 34 comments waiting for me, I declined 29 of them. Between automated band/club spam, that stupid “Do You Like Me” shit and people sending me dumb stuff about how they want to cum on my tits or how fat I am, I’m just so incredibly over it. MySpace isn’t fun any more.

It’s kind of a shame because I worked my ass off to turn myself into a MySpace celebrity of sorts, but it’s something I’ve struggled to transition into other mediums. Yeah I was in ZOO a lot but I never had any huge success with them because I’m not skinny enough for them and I don’t have big enough boobs for them. I put countless hours into the Penthouse Pet of the Year race and won the public vote and got a cute little “Online Pet of the Year” title but in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t really mean anything because it doesn’t get me any more publicity and it doesn’t get my face in magazines.

I guess I should consider myself lucky, for someone who wasn’t genetically blessed with tiny proportions and a perfect, firm little body, I’ve done exceptionally well. My natural body shape alone put me at a huge disadvantage, and I more than proved that if you put in the time and the effort and market yourself correctly you CAN succeed without being a stick figure. That being said, realistically I have possibly reached the highest level I can reach on my own.

It’s a shame Australia has such a stick up its ass about the adult industry making my options quite limited. Oh well.

I’m okay with it all though. I still have somewhat of an online fan base, and I have a good life and I’m happy. I always knew this whole thing wouldn’t last forever. I’ll keep doing Gods Girls cos I love it, but I just have this feeling the whole magazine schtick is over for me. 

I just hope my die hard fans don’t forget about me

xo