December 2009 Archives
Dec28

I resolve…

Posted at 6:57 PM • 12 Comments

Next year, rather than making a new years resolution, I decided I’d rather set myself some goals. There’s two things in particular I really want to accomplish in 2010, and surprisingly they’re both fitness related!

Goal #1 - During my personal training session last week I learned that there is a huge army style “boot camp” training course out the back of my gym! Now, this thing is fucking brutal and takes a really extreme level of fitness to even stand a chance against it. I am going to complete it if it’s the last thing I do.

Goal #2 - Become a professional pole dancer. I’ve always had somewhat of a keen interest in sports… growing up I was a great swimmer and a pretty decent netballer, and for the past six years I’ve been dancing for a living, but pole dancing is the first thing that has REALLY gripped me and I’ve developed such a passion for it. I want to be one of those girls who makes it look so graceful and effortless.

I had a really nice Christmas this year. I’m one of those lucky people who gets along extremely well with their family, so thankfully the festive season is never stressful and is always drama free. Kyle and I spent Christmas day in the country at my mum and dad’s house and I drank way too much red wine haha. The day after Christmas was spent with many beverages also, as Kyle’s band played a gig that night!

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For the first time in five years I don’t have to spend my New Years Eve working in a strip club, so I actually get to go out and party! We’re keeping it pretty low key – beers, BBQ and swimming at a mate’s house. It’ll also be the first time ever that I’ll get to kiss a boy at midnight, the last few years I’ve always had to make out with one of my stripper friends to send in the new year hahaha. I can’t complain about my past few NYE’s though, because I’ve had a lot of fun despite being at work. I’ll never forget the year my best friend and I stood naked in the water fountain at the end of the Crazy Horse stage and drunkenly belted out “Total Eclipse of the Heart” from start to finish at the top of our lungs, much to the horror/amusement of our workmates and customers :)

Anyway that’s all I really have to write, so I’ll leave you now with a picture of my kitten in a bag.

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Have a rad new years eve, everyone, party hard!

Ashlee Adams xx

Dec22

2009

Posted at 5:55 PM • 16 Comments

Despite a rocky beginning, I’ve gotta say that 2009 was the most sane year of my entire life.

I really feel like I’ve grown a lot and changed for the better since my last ‘end of the year’ blog. Not that I was in a particularly bad place at the end of 2008, it’s just that this year I feel like I have become a lot more stable and mature.

The beginning of 2009 was simultaneously one of the happiest and the most tumultuous times of my life, so I’m not really sure if I should look back on it with fondness or resentment. Due to some ‘unstable’ outside influences, I found myself caught in the middle of the most amazing relationship I had ever had, that I also wasn’t able to tell anyone about. I won’t go into details because it’s stupid and all that drama is over now, but being completely in love with someone who you couldn’t be seen in public with because of an outside party’s erratic behaviour was one of the most stressful things I have ever had to endure. Still, it all worked out for the best in the end and I am now happily living with the single most amazing boy on the face of this earth, and am in a relationship that is more stable and secure than I could ever have imagined.

Best moment of 2009 – The first time Kyle and I ever went out in public together as a couple.

This past year saw me have the good fortune of getting to visit three foreign countries. In June I spent two weeks in Christchurch, New Zealand, where I worked at a strip club called Calendar Girls. New Zealand is a really beautiful country and I made some great new friends over there. Almost immediately after returning home from New Zealand I was back on a plane heading to Los Angeles to spend two weeks in the home of Annaliese, our lord and master at GodsGirls.Com. During my vacation she was kind enough to take me to Las Vegas, an experience I will cherish for the rest of my life. It still seems surreal to me that I have actually been there! Then, at the end of October, Kyle and I took off to Bali, Indonesia, to celebrate it being one year since we began seeing each other. I had spent some time in Bali before, but not since I was sixteen, so this time around it was a totally different experience and we had a fantastic time.

Best vacation destination of 2009 – Vegas, baby. You just can’t beat it.

In terms of my modelling career 2009 was a pretty slow year, although much of that was by my own choice. I found myself having less interest in photo shoots, and more interest in just being a regular girl and not publishing my entire life and my body so much on the internet. I think being so comfortably settled into a new relationship probably didn’t do me any favours in terms of my figure, because I gained enough weight during the year to not feel as comfortable being naked in front of people so much. Towards the end of the year that became something I have focused very hard on rectifying, and thanks to help from my new personal trainer and my incredible pole dance instructor I am on the path to bringing my body to a better place than ever before.

Best magazine appearance of 09 – My recent feature in Official Australian Playstation Magazine. This one really means a lot to me, because the real me is first and foremost a gamer and a nerd, and a nude model second.

Biggest inspiration of 09 – My pole dance instructor, the lovely Terri “The Body” Roberts. Not only is she one of the kindest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, she has inspired me to reach for my goals and made me believe that I have the potential to be an amazing pole dancer.

2009 was the beginning of some wonderful new friendships, and the end of some that were less than wonderful. My tolerance for drama, back-stabbing and immaturity has severely declined in the past twelve months, and I have really developed an, “I just can’t be bothered” attitude towards it all. I cut a number of people out of my life this year for various reasons, and all of them I believe I am no worse off without.

Best friend of 09 – Sam. Always Sam. We are like totally BFF. Honorable mentions go to Cutty for the mad margarita fun, Monnie for the epic MSN rants, and all of the Infiltraitor crew for so many funny nights out on the town.

Best new friend of 09 - I would have to say Dezzi, even though I don’t see her often I think she’s really awesome and we just ‘get’ each other… plus we tear up the Enigma dance floor to Skid Row like nobody else. I am glad I met her.

I’ve spent almost the entirety of 2009 free from drugs… Not that I was ever a junkie or anything, but I did like to dabble in the occasional recreational substance! I did have a slight tendency to rely on anti anxiety medications like Xanax to help me deal with stress, but once the previously mentioned relationship drama calmed down I threw my bottle of Xanax in the bin and have not touched them since. I can honestly say these days I feel more sane than I’ve ever felt in my life, and I no longer suffer from any kind of anxiety or depression problems. Quite simply, I feel happy, healthy and well adjusted.

Sadly this year, I lost my darling baby Louis Kuitton and it took me a long time to stop feeling grief and guilt because of it, but I also welcomed a new kitten into my life, Freddie Mercury. I still miss Louis every single day and I will never forget him.

2009 has been a really memorable year of my life, and I am excited to find out what the next year will bring. As soon as the Christmas and New Years madness is over I am looking forward to getting back into serious pole dance training, and will be returning to circus classes to learn aerial acrobatics now that my upper body strength is greater. After five years of indecisiveness about breast implants I have decided to go ahead with it, and once I have my new boobs and my body is in peak condition, I want to try out for Penthouse Pet again. For a while there I was feeling like twenty five was too old for all this and that maybe I should give in, but I realised I feel sexier and more glamourous now than I did when I was 19 and I’m not about to give it up just yet!

I hope everyone reading this has a fantastic Christmas and New Years, I know I will! :)

Luv Ash xo

ashlee adams

Dec7

Taking a break :)

Posted at 2:18 PM • 25 Comments

You may have noticed my absence around the internet lately, and as a few people have contacted me to ask if I’m okay I figured I should explain why.

I’m taking a bit of a break from being Ashlee Adams. There’s a few reasons, but mostly I’m just feeling burned out, frustrated, and over it. Even though I will openly admit that I thrive on the attention, I’ve learned I can get by without it too. As some of you will know, especially if you keep up to date with my blogging and such, I’ve been going through a bit of a poor body image phase. It’s nothing crippling and I’m not in dire need of psychological help or anything, I’m just unhappy with my figure and I’m in the process of working really fucking hard to change it. I’ve been putting a lot of pressure on myself to stick to a strict diet and work out like a crazy person, and along with that comes a bit of stress and emotional fragility, and the last thing I need in my life right now is to be reading nasty shit from assholes who enjoy making people feel bad. Even though, thankfully, these people make up the minority of the people who converse with me online, lately I’ve been finding that in my current sensitive frame of mind I’ve been taking the negative comments to heart and really letting them bring me down and upset me. Since I can’t stop people saying I’m overweight and unattractive, for now I’d rather not put myself in a position to be told that on a regular basis. Even though I generally do have a much thicker skin than the average girl, I am still a person with feelings and sometimes you just get sick and tired of being told you’re fat.

So yeah, I’m not dead or sick or depressed or anything. I’m alive and healthy and happy, just really looking forward to spending the summer enjoying being a regular girl and hanging out with my awesome boyfriend and friends and not publicly broadcasting my entire life all over the internet for everyone to comment on. I’m busting my ass with my personal trainer and getting really serious about pole dancing and will hopefully be doing professional pole performance by the start of February, and by that time I want to be thinner and hotter and better than ever! If anything important happens I’ll probably update this blog a little bit, but I won’t be around much. Life’s too short to spend my time feeling sad because some anonymous loser on the internet said something mean!

Later skaters :)

AA