Every six months or so, I decide to work in a strip club for a week. Every time I think, ” This time I will hustle and I will make money! This time will be different!” … But it never is.

I had a think about it in the cab on the way home from work early this morning, and I think there are four core things that attribute to my general inability to have a lucrative night in a strip club.

1. I genuinely enjoy conversing with people. Last night, I made sure I was on my feet, walking around and talking to guys all night but I still left with very little cash. I think one of my main problems is that I get so immersed in conversation that I end up feeling awkward asking someone to see me naked after we’ve been chatting for half an hour. It’s funny, because I had so many guys tell me last night that I was the friendliest and most genuine girl they’d spoken to all night, that the other girls were so fake and money hungry. Despite that, they never said they wanted a lap dance from me, and I never asked… which brings me to my second problem.

2. I am not comfortable with asking people for money. I’m someone who has had to stop lending money to people entirely, because I felt so uncomfortable asking people to pay it back… even when large sums of money are owed to me I feel like a total asshole if I ask for it. I can stand there and chat to groups of guys for hours and make them laugh and have fun, but when it comes to uttering the words, “Would you like to have a lap dance?” I totally freeze. I do sometimes wonder if most guys just assume I don’t even do lap dances, since I rarely (if ever) offer them, while most of the other girls will aggressively push for it within 30 seconds of saying hello. The only time I ever sell dances is when someone approaches me and asks for one… and unfortunately when you’re just one in a sea of hot, semi-naked girls, that doesn’t happen all too often.

3. I have a soul. Over the years I have watched girls make huge sums of money by finding a guy too drunk to make rational decisions and milking his credit card for every cent he has. I am just not okay with that. I would feel really terrible about myself if I took advantage of a drunk guy and was the reason he couldn’t make his mortgage payment the next week, but apparently a lot of girls don’t care and will use their evil stripper powers to suck him dry.

4. I am intimidated by other women. Thin, attractive women especially. One of my major downfalls is that I can’t get past the attitude of, “There’s so many hot girls here to choose from, why would anyone want a dance from me?”

I suppose it all comes down to the fact that I just ain’t a hustler. I’m a nice, fun, happy girl but I’m not a bullshit artist, I’m not an actor, I’m not gonna kiss your ass in an obvious attempt to take every last cent from your wallet, and I don’t have the confidence to talk you into spending your money on me. Until I can change that, I will just have to resign myself to the fact that while other girls will walk away with thousands at the end of the night, my stripper purse will contain just a lowly $2oo.

At least I only do it twice a year, right?!

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